


i've been here the whole time

by leturna



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Relationship, and eddie will answer that call, because i will, buck is a precious bean and must be protected, i really will, the stirrings of a relationship IF YOU WILL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24140659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leturna/pseuds/leturna
Summary: Coda of sorts for 3x18 What's Next?Buck contemplates his meeting with Abby, which left him reeling. Eddie steps in.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 214





	i've been here the whole time

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Ruelle's "Carry You"

There’s something almost jarring about staring out into a bright and sunny distance, birds calling to each other from the trees and surrounding rooftops, and the muffled sounds of a house full of celebrating family and friends on the other side of the door, the peaceful atmosphere clashing with the memory of another grueling excavation shift spent alongside so many of those same voices, where the only sounds were those of wounded cries for help, search dogs barking after finding another body, and the ominous creaking of train cars. Buck wonders if, after all this time, he will ever get used to the juxtaposition, or what it would say about him if he ever did.

“There you are, buddy, I was wondering where you’d wandered off to.” Buck startles slightly, and turns to see Eddie step out onto the front patio, shutting the door softly behind him. 

Returning back to his contemplation of the horizon, Buck sighs and mutters, “Uh, yeah, I dunno… just needed to get some air, I guess.” 

Eddie steps beside him, one hand braced against the porch railing while the other holds a glass of Athena’s punch, condensation pearled on the outside. Minutes pass without another word as they breathe in the comforting silence. Down the street, a dog barks, followed by the shrieking laughter of a young child at play.

“So… when does Christopher leave for this camp then?”

Eddie huffs. “Next weekend. That kid is so excited, too. He insisted on packing his suitcase already, so he has to unpack and repack it every time he has to brush his teeth or take a bath.”

Buck can’t help but laugh with him. “Man, I’m gonna miss that kid when he leaves. He really is the best.”

“You’re telling me,” Eddie chuckles ruefully. “I have no idea what I’m gonna do with myself for those two weeks.”

Buck gently presses his arm against Eddie’s. “Well, you know I’ll be around. If the house gets too quiet, let me know, and I’ll come over right away to liven the joint up a little.”

A smile blooms across Eddie’s face, eyes crinkling a little at the corners as he takes a quick sip of his punch. “Thanks, man, I’ll hold you to that.”

Silence descends again, broken only when they can hear May calling for Athena from inside the house, asking where she left her phone charger.

“I met up with her yesterday. Abby, that is.” Buck shook his head a little, the words seemingly leaving his mouth of their own volition.

Eddie turns to him and takes a deep breath. “Yeah? How’d that go? You doing okay?”

Buck sucks in air through his teeth and pauses before answering. “I don’t really know. On one hand, I’m glad she’s happy. Regardless of anything else, she did mean a lot to me, probably always will. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d had to tell her I couldn’t save Sam. But, on the other hand…” The words get caught in his throat, and Buck grabs the drink out of Eddie’s hand and takes a sip while he collects himself a little. “It just kinda sucks, I guess. I get it, why she had to leave. She was always taking care of other people and never took care of herself. And according to her, if she ever came back to me, she’d fall right back into that. She’d have to…”

“What, have to take care of you?” Eddie’s filled in, his left eyebrow shooting up incredulously.

“Yeah. I mean, look at all the shit that happened this last year. She’s not exactly wrong, I’m clearly a handful.”

Eddie’s mouth opens and closes a few times, then exhales sharply through his nose. “You’re a damn hero, Buck. You take care of everyone you meet, and save their lives if they need it. It’s not a hardship for someone to do that for you once in a while, you know.”

Frustrated with the inexplicable need to defend Abby, Buck shakes his head and grinds out, “I don’t know, I just… Even I exhaust me, Eddie. I shouldn’t need to have someone follow me around and patch me up because I can’t hold myself together longer than five minutes.”

“No, Buck, seriously, look at me.” Eddie takes his punch glass back out of Buck’s hand before balancing it on the railing behind him, then firmly takes both of Buck’s shoulders in hand and shakes him a little until Buck lifts his eyes to meet Eddie’s. “I get it, man. These last few months have been rough, to say the least. I know we’ve had our issues, both said and done some things we regret and wish we could take back. But please, don’t ever think that you are somehow too much to take care of.” 

Buck’s eyes fill with tears as he turns his head away sharply, unable to look Eddie in the eyes anymore, but Eddie’s hand cups the side of Buck’s face, forcing his gaze back.

“I mean it, Buck. You have so much love in that big heart of yours, that it comes bursting out of you every time you’re on a call. And yeah, that generally leads to you jumping at the chance to put yourself in harm’s way, and you’re definitely going to give me premature grey hair as a result.” Buck ducks his head and sniffs, his chest feeling simultaneously tight and warm. Eddie continues, his voice gravely with emotion, “But there’s no one else I would rather have as my partner than you. Your heart inspires me every single day, and if there’s anything you deserve, it’s to have the same level of care and dedication given right back to you.”

Buck takes a deep breath, then steels himself to look back up into Eddie’s shining brown eyes. After a few moments, Buck nods and smiles tremulously, reaching up to wipe stray tears from his own eyes. Eddie nods back and swallows, the thumb of his right hand gently rubbing against Buck's cheek before he lets his hand fall. The two of them turning back to watch the setting sun, Buck breath hitching slightly every time their arms brush together.

Feeling the need to break the emotional moment, Buck knocks his shoulder playfully into Eddie’s, knocking the other man off balance right as he was downing the last of his drink. Spluttering and coughing, Eddie forces a snickering Buck to brace himself on the porch railing as Eddie slams his shoulder right back into Buck’s. “God, you’re such an ass sometimes. I take it all back, you deserve nothing. And I deserve another drink.”

Buck snorts, feeling lighter as the emotions that were holding a tight grip on his chest start to ease up, and the two of them wordlessly turn to go back inside and rejoin the festivities.

Later, Buck joins Bobby by the buffet table, and feels inspired by his conversation with Eddie to mend one more bridge for the evening. After clearing the air, Buck is again asked, “You doing okay?”

Buck laughs and looks away and sees Eddie talking to Hen and Karen in the backyard, his arm around Christopher, who’s leaning into his father’s side with a sleepy smile on his face. Eddie’s head is thrown back in laughter, and that warm feeling grips Buck’s heart again, a sensation of something precious that awaits him.

Turning back to Bobby, Buck surprises himself when, with a heart full to burst with possibilities he dare not yet name, he answers, “Yeah. I think I am.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how I got here. I have not written a fic in about 8 years, I binged the entire 911 franchise at least 3 times while sitting in quarantine, and I should have gone to bed many hours ago. But here we are? I had a lot of feelings, and had to write about them I guess.
> 
> I'm sorry if it's not worth reading, but I am too tired to proofread it more than once, and not gonna lie, it was kinda fun to write words at all.
> 
> I am Emotional, and will continue to be so until 2021. we'll get through this together, m'dudes. Let the "Buck and Eddie get together while Christopher is away at camp" fics commence.


End file.
